I appreciate the comment from davidjohn (not sure how you saw the blog, as I haven't linked to it anywhere). However I've not started this blog to ask for help. My aim was to document what's going through my mind , and perhaps to analyse why. I'm also curious to know if this situation is more common than I realise.
As it happens I did go to see a doctor a little while ago. He was so fundamentally inept that it shook away any confidence I had in the NHS to provide any help. First off he kept me waiting while he tried to work out how to get his computer to print out a questionaire on depression, which went something along the lines of "are you going to kill yourself? Are you insane and going to kill other people? Are you hearing voices?". He then told me that he'd run out of time, and that I needed to take the questionnaire away and fill it in, then come back for another appointment when we'd go through it.
I took the questionnaire away, filled it in. Took it back to him, then he started to score it, got through about 3 questions then said he'd do it later, put it to one side, gave me a leaflet on alcohol and said to call a helpline.
Maybe he was right to suggest the alcohol helpline, but his dismissive attitude and the fact he laughed at me when I said how many units I drank, all lead me to believe that even if were to have had even the slightest interest in helping me, he wouldn't have known how. I'm confident that the NHS can't help me here.
I saw a counsellor privately, but while she was very competent, I don't think there was much that she could do to help.
So I'm going to get through this on my own, it's something I've always tried to do. I'm not one for hand outs. What I thought would be interesting was to leave a trail of thoughts behind as I move through things. Regardless of where I go, it has become apparent from my encounters with people, that they simply don't understand what's going through my head (and I suspect the head of a lot of people feeling like me).
All comments are appreciated, but I'm keen to look more at why I and other people have fallen into such a bad way, than answers to how to fix it (you can't properly address something until you understand it).
