I wish I knew.
Truth is that depression has become such a buzzword that it has almost lost all meaning. The symptoms range from self harm and suicide to people having a bad hair day, and there seems to be little drive to actually further categorize.
All I know is what I view as the form of depression that I believe I suffer from. This is a nihilistic view of life in which I have analysed everything I can, and come to the conclusion that there is no point.
There is the traditional mid life crisis of people saying "what's it all about". Then they buy a porsche, get a pony tail, and work in marketing. This is not where I am. I am torn between a number of issues, I suffer from insomnia, alcoholism, and this statement of depression. What I am needing to discover is what it all means.
To elaborate... We all get down from time to time. I have noticed that people pick themselves back up. They appear to want things, and have a drive to obtain them. I lack both the desire and the drive. I look at my life, I don't like it, but also don't like where it might go. For every direction there is a drawback, to the point I feel paralysed. This is of course deflection, I make excuses so that I don't do anything.
So to the title. Being depressed is in my opinion like feeling as though doing anything would hurt. Where you've got to the point that you would prefer to let life drift than to fight to make it better because fighting would only make it worse. It is preferable when in this state to let things happen - allow life to do as it will.
The question I would like to know is - is this depression? As I said, the term is too heavily used to have any significance to any individuals actual problem.
So the point - I can't see the point. Maybe I'm missing something, maybe people that can see the point are missing something. I find myself feeling that ignorance is indeed bliss, as if you weren't aware it was pointless, you could then continue without point, and therefore be happy. The irony of this is that you would then be defining a point to doing it. The trouble of this is I don't trust I would be happy.
Depression is not the simple chemical state people imply. I was told by a friend that it's just a matter of rebalancing my brain. Unfortunately I'm aware that I know what I'm thinking. I can't remove such thoughts. My best definition of depression would be an overpowering feeling of ineptitude, such that you can't do anything but watch
